We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
