It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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