Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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