Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
