I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
