Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
