Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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