When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
