you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
