Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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