Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
