You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
