im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
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Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
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Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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