They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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