yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?