The maid of honor just puked.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Do vagina's smell?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night