Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.