he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.