and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert