I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.