you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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