My brain says no but my pants say off.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You need a sexual gate keeper
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
