you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
