And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
