Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
