So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
