he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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