Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
