I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
