Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
