im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
God, I missed his penis.
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