No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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