wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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