The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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