Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
