Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
