Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i used baking grease as lip gloss
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He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
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I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
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