Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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