and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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