i wish my penis had a tongue
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
