Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
