I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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