K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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