i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
