windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
