When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
