I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
