hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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