it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
