I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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