He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
