Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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