Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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