i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
