I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
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