you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
