Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
