I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
