so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
