I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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