I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
