one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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