before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
