I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
