Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
