you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
