i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
